So, I had a dream last night. A dream I'm not totally comfortable discussing the specifics of. A dream which has been bothering me all day, and making me sad to be awake.
What I remember of the dream starts with me in a quiet closed place where I was free of worry and was at peace. I was surrounded by people I liked and enjoyed the company of at all times. I could talk to them without fear of judgement, and they could do the same. Even though this was all true though, I was sitting off to myself while others in the small room had coupled off. Or more than coupled. I was the only one that stayed to themselves, and if I was quieter than the others or slower to speak up, nobody minded. I was happy to be by myself and be comfortable and happy. As time went on, that just got better. Happier and more comfortable. Things were very good.
Then an opportunity for something showed up. It seemed like things would be better for me if I took it. So I did, and things changed. I went from being alone in a room of like-minded people, keeping to myself for the most part, but happy to be accepted, to being alone. Just alone. And for a half of a second, things seemed better, but I realized I'd been tricked. And I tried to claw my way back to the other place, but there was no way to get back there. And worse, the more I tried, the more I destroyed the last vestiges of happiness that I'd still managed to hold on to. It was better to curl in on myself and cry.
And then my dream started to flick back and forth between that and what I think was either an episode of Voyager, or something to do with the Voyager cast. It was odd. Dreams are weird. Sue me.
I'm not saying anything about how this dream might relate to current goings on. I just needed to type it out, because it was bothering me to keep it in. I'm glad I started this new place, so I can keep this for my personal benefit. This isn't really something though I want to have to comment on at all. Plus if I get asked six months down the line, I will have long forgotten of this anyways. Please don't bother asking.
Maybe I should keep a record of my dreams on this blog.
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